last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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