I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
