I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
