I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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