Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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