I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
