So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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