um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
