Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
