At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
