how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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