Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
