I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
