I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
