You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
