i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
