she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
