i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
