Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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