I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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