Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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