idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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