Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
