so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
