i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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