I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
