I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
