I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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