Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
