Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
