I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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