Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
