I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
