You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
