If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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