...so i touched it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
