After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
