We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
