I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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