my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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