I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
