your parents love me but you hate me
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
