whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
