he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
