Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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