ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
