Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
