everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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