after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
