Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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