Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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